3.19.2003

from the sky of my heart

update on the prom issue: i just made somebody squirm. and it did feel so good. i couldn't stop grinning in my half-sleep. bwahahaha. now i know how the more subtle your vengeance gets, it just gets more sweeter. i think i would die of pity when i torture them (not to mention arrested for brutal murder)-- but words? hah. they are power *looks manical* i know what my mom meant right now. bwahaha. i luf this. hehehe. nice.

ahaaaahaay! i now have a hostee! hehe. and i will fix her up as soon i can. ya-hey. my domain is going to be active now. bwahaha. for now, it's just me and the annual magazine.

 

3.18.2003

hey jealousy

wow. everything's back to "normal", i guess. right now, i need to vent myself off with the thick swarm of emotions that suddenly attacked me. i swear. *sucks in a deep breath*

it's official, i guess (?) so who's the layout editor for the school pub next year? me. wow. thank you God. it's weird-- me, an editor? whoohoo. ^_^;; i never imagined myself in any kind of position in the mag staff. i spent almost the whole day inside the pub room and had 2 slices of pizza. hehe. compliments of TEHboss. ^_^ i feel guilty, however. i left ly outside the whole time. i'm really, really SORRY. *runs and gives ly a big, big hug*

second. about that "normal" thing. dammit, it's poetry time once again. is it mush? no. just inner musings. heck. it might be mush. *scowls at the post's title*

inner prickle

something tells me i've gone so wrong
it's idiocy when it comes to me
do i have to smile to hide my pain?
guess it's better off that way

it kills me, heck, it breaks me
dammit, don't know if it's true
i'm happy yet i am croaking
inner prickles in my heart again

it's short, i know. but that's enough to summarize all my feelings. what's the deal: wow, gino already asked tel to the prom. and stupid lital me hsn't even got an inkling it's already happened. i feel like retching from kilig and sadnesss. sadness because they didn't even bother to tell me. um, at least for ktel's part. well, good ol' gino. he told me. hehe. friends. *sighs* i just don't know what to think. wow. damn, the next thing i know, they're already together. well that's nice. hehe. i DO like surprises anyways. *looks back at the suspicious reader*

whaaaaaaaat?!

there's perfectly nothing wrong with the whole dumbass thing. (uh, dumbass?) but heck, that's the fucking SECOND time it happened. first, when my friend kay didn't even bother to tell me she already had a horse for a girlfriend, and now this. fuck you all.

and about that kay-with-a-horse-for-a-girlfriend thing-- shit. it was the shittiest thing with the shittiest reason for its existence. the fucktard's reason, damn it to hell with the shit-fuck-fuck... DAMN I CAN'T EVEN SAY IT. THE LAMEST EXCUSE OF THE CENTURY. shit-shit-shit. lamers. LAMERS! lamers need to die. i know two fucking people. take them and burn them away in hell and set the ants at them, okay? LAMERS.

 

3.17.2003

two posts will save my soul

it's weird to post two times today, but i canNOT stop myself. i need to go to school tomorrow on some pub business. and fateback is back! haha. joy! and a new layout comes with it, too. btw, it's purple, and i sorta hate that color. ironies, folks. give me more ironies. mwhehe. anyways, i'm planning to rip off some of my pants for the heck of it. sheesh. i'm still going to school tomorrow. whatever happened.

i don't know what i'm going to do with him. it's really not like him. i hope he dies. um, and that's not very christian to wish for. what do i care? it's his stupid fault.

  i... need... to ... blog... *faints*

eurgh. i haven't got around to submitting my requirements yet *throws project to the floor* and dammit, it's so hot outside. must've been 35 degress or something. i need to update this thing, i really do. um. anyways. kay showed up in school like, okay, right. fuck you. *shoots*

i bought this mp3 cd and gawd, there are many good songs there like you suck by the murmurs, no rain by blind melon, and when you're gone by the cranberries. great, great. i also discovered the awesomeness of gin blossoms. weeeee...

*sigh* i don't know. he hasn't replied fo a long while, and i feel downright-- ugh, pissed. pissed. pissed. maybe he really has gone to read this-- it doesn't make any difference, so i'm going to say what i mean no matter what the rest of the fucktardom say...

I MISS YOU, DAMMIT!

hehe. so that was that. you retard, you fucking son of an asshole, you idiot, you damned asswipe... *cries* it doesn't help missing yew at ALL. shit.

btw, i was touched. see why.

edit fateback is back. hwaw.

 

3.14.2003

summer skies

that's it. the school year is over guys. hwoohoo! ^_________^! yay! *brings out champagne* anyways, after those grueling tests, i've managed to push it through.

with my luck and prayers, i hope i will be in fourth year next year.

enough. anyways, while i was coming home from school, i couldn't help but notice that the sky is clear and blue-- abnormally blue that it made me afraid and regretful and hopeful just to look at it. i'm supposed to spend the rest of the day outside to revel under that clear sky, but ah, well-- it's just me. i just needed to blog.

i got promoted to being a writer to being a layouter. does that mean i can do either writer/artist/photgrapher/layouter things? *looks helpless* waah. i'm excited to see my layout on pages 9 and 14. i am excited. heeheee. and yeah, another thing about the magazine biz-- my favorite poem, "my fatal illusion", is going to be published! actually, there's a pretty tricky story behind it. see, i'm going to publish the poem again.

My Fatal Illusion

Blinding lights flash and once again I feel I'm alone
Twenty- five seconds is not enough to make me stop
Jarred back to reality when you returned my stare
It's kind of surprising you know that I'm there

You seem to look right through my soul
Yet I turn back because I see you run away
Are you hiding from yourself or are you hiding from me?
Is this a trick, a mirage, that I take as reality?

Promised myself I will never believe in love
But look at me now; this helplessness consumes me
Waves of emotion pounding and breaking away the wall
The pain slowly rises yet I continue to fall

My favorite illusion, you seem to be there
I cry inside so that no one will ever hear
These fake smiles I must practice once again
A rouse to hide what I feel for you now and then

Tapping lightly like raindrops on the roof
The temptation never lets go of my heart
Twenty-five seconds have passed and it slowly sinks in
I gave in to the temptation, and now it's a sin

right. our moderator had refused to let them include the poem. why? there was something "sexual ano raw?" wrong with it. but tehBOSS defended it for me. yay. yay. YAY! wow. wow. thanks so much! *huggle huggle* but i say, there's nohing sexually "ano raw?" with it, is there? i don't know. my idea of falling in love may be the same as anybody's, but my emotional reaction? i think it's sick. even without sexual connotation. falling in love is evil. really. i hate it. sadly, can't stop it at the same time.

i'm thinking of switching to greymatter since blogger ain't working properly in cyberpixels. i'm going to ask them to install either gm or b2 or movable type in my account. they should do that. they really should.

anyways, i'm still going to school on monday. let me ask somebody first: WHY IS TRI-SYS ISP NOT WORKING? gawdammit. okaay. my parents will kill me when the phone bill comes-- been using pldt vibe again. wah. um, and i'm afraid for sunday to come... it's likely we're going to mass in ANTIPOLO. whooh. i'm a-fraaaid. it should be normal, but it isn't. send all altar boys out before i receive communion. gawdammit.

 

3.8.2003

har!

 

3.6.2003

my cat

it's another title of another song by JoJ. i hate copycats.

they say imitation is the best flattery. but too much of something (to quote the spice girls ^_^) is bad enough. it's like-- hell. you're more like insulting the person rather than paying compliment to her.

copycats need to get a life of their own. they irritate me so much. i'm like, go do your own thing and i will do mine. okay-- it's nice having someone looking up to you and all that-- but puh-lease, no need to copy me right down to my moods and angsts. even my vignettes.

geez, sometimes i hate my own influence. these copycats, instead of standing out with their own style, tend to be sheep to anything that looks cool. cats, get a life of your own. please don't imitate other people like, to the last detail. it might be nice, but it's really sick. only fools do that. only the ones trying to be 'cool'. cool. yeah. right. cold fish. be your own, mmkay? good.

sometimes flattery makes me sick, though i appreciate all of them. honest ones, i mean.

i'd like to drown my cat in the river. now.

 

3.4.2003

life truth

of course, this is another case of "things-are-not-always-what-they-seem-to-be". but it was something more than that. now i know we have a lot more in common than i thought. i'm looking forward to our next mass in er-- okay. anyways, i wore dark blue socks with a red flower pattern with my uniform on the way home. right. stare magnet, eh? who cares? my psychic powers are improving. michie told me. hehe. incredible.

tutor was okay. it was nice to know that patti still knows that we were best friends in third grade. how can she? we can't forget people who have touched our lives. *sniff*

last sunday we went to wretched tutuban. no. i love tutuban. i just don't like the mission. measuring for a stupid gown. i will look like a blimp wrapped in satin. euurgh. more later.

have to fly now. more "extensive" updates when i feel like it... ^_^ i have to tell more about this freaking life truth post.

 

3.2.2003

dundundundun

happy birthday ly! yayy! *huggles* wow, 16! sweet sixteen! err-- anways, i don't think i could go to mama's (my grandma's) place today. eeh. i have a hell load of requirements to do. i feel kinda guilty that i haven't visisted for what? two weeks? erm, yeah, because really-- i haven't got anything worthwhile to do there. mweheh. sorry folks. maybe in summer i'll stay the hell there for as long as you want and get tired of my face. *sigh*

argh. there's this post that had an error. two posts merged into one. shit.

 

3.1.2003

plug: visit ateneo channel, the online source of freaking egoists and lamers who are into stereotyping shit.

  poetry time!

random act to save my wits

i'm a source of sarcasm
i'm a friend to you
you're open and i'm happy
but i wish you'd love me too

you're sentimental
nothing but sap
but i like you
even for that

we're all out in the open
don't tell me this is a lie
true 'til forever
please don't go away

100% friend material
always here for you
tell me what she told you
don't let me cry

don't say goodbye
don't dare to lie
don't think of me
don't say things
you don't really mean

i hate you
i hate me
drowning in this misery
random act
to save my wits
take me by the hand

don't think of me

um. do you get that? funny way to start march. i hate myself for this. i really do. someone save me please? thanks.

 

2.28.2003

life update

physically: i'm well and good, thank you. i've adopted a new style in fixing my hair. that's right-- i put it up in a tiny bun. they say i look nicer. thanks. and it's definitely more refreshing. inasmuch as i would like to make it longer, i still can't ignore the fact that it's hot as hell whenever it (my hair) is down. ah, so.

mentally: wah. tired? all those lessons have not really overtaxed my brain, but in fairness, it's really boggling. i cannot figure out geometry to the end of life.

spiritually: i still believe in God. I wonder why i doubt Him sometimes. but now, things have been starting to take shape. i'm going to the international leaders' conference this april.

socially: everything's fine. the pop kids go on with their sheephood and i am still following my own thing. tricia neria is a bitch. that isn't new but it's gotten worse lately. hoo-kay.

emotionally: *blink blink*

anyways, i think the updating has been pretty objective this time. it's 2.24.2003 woopsy doo

ate twinkle, christmas gift ung domain and hosting from my ninang. i punched in her credit card number and her email addy. anyways. ^_^;;

hapi malo! um, hehe, even if she doesn't go and read this. yay! no classes tomorrow! EDSA day! wow. instead of rejoicing, i'm off to carina's to do the geometry/algebra project. still have that wretched pinoy informal theme, plus two other projects, which, by the way, will cause me my undoing. nyaharharhar. and no, pat, i was joking when i said i was going solo for the chem thing. harharhar. just seeing how good my acting skills are. heheheh.

uhm. there's this strange guy who keeps on texting me. whew. haha. i tolerate you psychos since i'm also one ^^;; but please.

i need poster paint and a life. give them to me plz. thanks.

 

2.23.2003

mwaharharhar

i just want to describe my new layout. i hate blue, but i like the picture. kinda strange, considering how innocent-looking it is... and me, well-- 0_0;; know what? i should be working on my sites now, but look at me-- heh. i want to be free of everything before i do that. anyways, the layout. um, aside from being blue, the sidebar is on the right. um, i'm browsing while typing this and noticed font freak got a new layout with an orange and purple splash page. uh, yes.

back to the layout. geez. i want to learn how they do that gradual fading thingy. argh. well, i'm glad that i got to use this senti graffiti pic for my blog layout, 'cuz i've been wanting to do that for a long time now. anyways, i've made this theresian clique yesterday out of severe fascination with doll bases and adobe photoshop. and-- for the following people who never go and read this, i might as well type in what i want to say (hah, since you never go here. hehehe):

abby dammit, when are you going to make a new layout for your class site? geez, i've been waiting since december.
iii1 what about helping with the profile encoding so you could see your miserable identities online?
kuya argh. okay. you're not going to read this anyway, but damn you fro being soooooooooo... sheesh.
ktel gah!

okay that was stupid. i know. i'm having a download fest here. gotta go. haha.

 

2.21.2003

cringe

ah, social blog first: yehey to tehBOSS, who finally got her blog working! yaaay. now, um-- what's happening right now? gino and i are texting. and the surprising thing is-- it's already 10:00 and wow, he's still awake. what a crazy miracle. yahhaha. not that i'm jumping up and down from the sheer wonder of it, it's just that he never stays up this late. wow. reason: the usual male fascination. yep. b0obs. hehehe. now i'm just waiting for him to read this so he can kill me. hahah. (my phone beeps-- sms! yay.) malakas pala pick-up ng b0obdar n'ya eh. good for him. i just said goodnight. don't wanna spoil my blog entry. yaay.

four pages to layout for the mag. whoo. wow. okay. um, i'm suddenly too tired to blog at all. whoo. gah. why is pldt vibe so expensive? like, OKAY.

edit:btw, what the fuck is the day today? february twenty one people. -_-;; whoo. happy to me! i lurve 21. yaay.

 

2.18.2003

and so then.

argh. now i need to wonder why i kept grinning my head off yesterday. no. i've figured it out now. hah. anyways, loads of things happened to my pretty much abnormally normal life, and our group didn't get to pass the brochure project. anyways, i have a picture i just saw a while ago. and my gawd, i looked pretty good. maybe i'll change my picture *glances at the sidebar* to that one. um, really, i looked different. not to be narcissistic or anything-- but i really looked different. honest. maybe i'll put it up as soon as i can. promise. i really did. ^_^ shots like those are rare, ysee. haha.

oh, and i have to do that wretched social studies. fuck them projects. yah. and YIPPEE! I finally submitted by article personally to tehBOSS >.< yay! well. okay. stop.

 

2.17.2003

shumckies

to hell with the world. no, i'm not in a bad mood. yah, because i just downloaded 3 better-quality mp3 of JoJ! wow. yah. my newest one is Lovesong. niiice. anyways, i'm supposed to be writing mg summary and my articles now. -__- at least i got one of them done and ready to go. and yah, i'm just about to finish my news article. and fuck that summary! it's fucking hard to do, i swear. no, not really. the teacher's just so hard to please. gah. anyways, why won't the posts and the homepage show up? eurgh. fateback had a prob again. yah. well.

 

2.16.2003

bah.

i canNOT download JoJ at mp3.com. parental advisory? ahh. gahh. wtf. anyways, i'm thinking of buying the CD at tower records as soon as i have the money. and that would be-- when? anyways, i think i'd better pay for the raffle tickets because i just want that naggin feeling to go away, even if i spend half of my total life savings. um, so that people would get good STC education. oh, really. *rolls eyes*

at least i got to download a BETTER version of When I Am Queen... hm. this one i just downloaded is 128kbps. yah. and anyways, i uploaded new pictures at our class site. gawd. nikki looks like a guy. no, seriously. go here and you'll see.

what the fuck. suddenly i take everything i've said in the previous entry back. i'm a great person. haaa.haa. :D

 

2.15.2003

hwoooooh

gino and i are this close to being close. yah. well. wtf. we've been talking about a lot of things from 9am to 3pm. gahh. he rung up my phone and so the sms marathon started. um, question-- why are guys like that? it is somewhat disgusting yet intriguing at the same time. hah, good luck with his prom date.

anyways, i'm downloading right now so rather than waste my time staring at the status bar, i blog. haha. um, i wasted PHP114.00 on him. he will have to pay. yar. xB yah, but i looooooove that guy to death. no. yes. no. yes. no. no, i really don't. no. gaaah. whaha. anyways, i'm in #ateneo again, wrecking my wits out. ha.

anyways, i still canNOT figure out why this is so. is everything meant to last? like, i feel closer to him when we talk about 'stuff' but it's kinda strange that it's the only thing--i think-- that binds us together. whoo. it's strange.

poetry time! yay! *applause*

indifferent

what do you really see
when you look in my eyes
do you see the nothingness
the ever present coldness
it comes from within

i am indifferent to your pain
it all remains the same
the circle repeats itself
you'll never ever get me
it's the way i feel

my life is slowly dying
yet my body feels alive
no more will i be trapped
set me free outside
don't want to feel anymore

indifferent to your love
i don't want to see you anymore
you're a pain i want to forget
my heart is full of regrets
but i feel indifferent

 

2.14.2003

egad.

time for my annual screw-up of the season. but this once i haven't the energy 'coz i feel so tired. anyways, i'm using pldt vibe again and gawd knows what the phone bill will result to. hee -_-;; anyways, last night (bandfest) was bo-ring. hehe. save that band, the one who sang crazy for you. Caffeine Overdose i think. haha. anyways. screw blogger and my last post. i wasted my time only to find an error, so i can't publish it. oh hell.

*sigh* i can't go to andee's. dunno how to tell her since i dunno her phone number. should've asked for it last night. this is sad, 'coz i want to see legolas *rawf* haha. that's okay, since we have tons of stuff to do. what's up: religion photo essay, soc.sci. brochure project, chem paper, pinoy novel analysis, english paper, geometry project, deadline for 3 articles--- whew. after all that, I.NEED.TO.GET.A.LIFE.

hail the new layout yar. it's van and hitomi! yayy! no, i didn't spend so much time fixing it up, but it does look nice enough, ne? :D anyways, at least it's changed for v-day. though i hate the holiday i have to love it, since often times, classes are cancelled. rawk. whehe. :D

edit: bwahahaa. so i'm inspired to rant now. my personal favorite thing to do-- diss v-day.

i hate the annual mush on TV. i hate the whole commercial business. valentine's day is just another opportunity to raise greedy money. just a brainwash on people's heads that you're sad when you're single on 2/14. the hell NO. heh.

i feel sorry for those people who get affected about all that media crap. they don't have much of a life, do they? what's the use of moping when you can do other things than wallowing and reveling in stupid self-pity. that is abosolutely bogus.

some people. like those superficial types i know, some people i actually consider as friends-- they are particularly annoying. they tell me. "it's valentine's day and i haven't got a date, i just broke up with him" or "wah. he's invited this and that and blah blah blah to the whatevergathering isthere instead of me.. huhu." excuse me. but you're pathetic. so what if you don't have someone special? does it really ruin your life? the influece of sap must be getting everything out of you.

strange. no, i'm not attached to anybody, and am not making a big deal about it. but why the valentine's day hype? the two good things i only know about it is that: 1) no classes. 2) there's a blog marathon. yep. the way they make it all gooey stereotypey mushy dum dum just annoys the hell out of me. showing our loved ones how much we love them is not to be measured by how many flowers do you give on wretched v-day. agh. i'm taking it out on the general point of view. i hate the "general viewpoint" of the "general population"

meanwhile, i think having a special day for gooey mush and love is okay enough, but without the commercial, general stupidity shit that we people are always subjected to. it's a treat when someone gives you a heart-shaped cake 0_0;; and i love to give people v-day letters (for hell's sake, to make them lonely people feel better-- :D). this is a crazy rant 'coz i think nobody really gets what i mean. heh. wake up people.

whyyyyy? why am i wasting my time on this? hehe. because i've stopped believing in sap and boohoo a long time ago. i got my family and school and my computer to value in my life. heh. btw, i have to pray later. i'm too young to think about this, but maybe God really wants me to enter the convent. oh come on kit, get a life of your own. hehe. look at the layout again. van is absolutely love-leee.

pahabol: last feb 12, gino and i again conversed on our favorite topic. mwhahahahar.